No Explanation Needed
Dane and Jane trying on new cold weather hats.
“Happy Hanukkah!”
“Merry Christmas!”
“Happy Holidays!”
The leaves are almost off the trees, the frost is here, and soon snow will follow. The winter season is approaching—and with it come disagreements, sarcastic memes, and even hate.
Recently, after Dane’s heart health challenges, we experienced an outpouring of encouragement and support.
“We lit a candle for you.”
“We put your name on a prayer chain at church.”
“We are sending you light and love.”
We appreciated every candle lit, each prayer said, and all the love sent in whatever way. We appreciated the gifts of time, labor, and comfort from people who didn’t pray, as well as from those who did. We received it all—each one’s personal choice, with no explanations needed.
Whether we label our approach spiritual, religious, something else, or not at all seems insignificant. In the end, might it not be all the same?
Twenty-three years ago, new to the area, I volunteered at St. Mary’s church to serve their Thanksgiving Day dinner. I noticed some people sat down with their food and started eating, while others quietly bowed their heads and said prayers. The following year, after meeting the Martins, I was invited to their home for a lovely dinner with their friends. No prayers were said. During dinner Roger shared fish stories, we laughed, and afterward, I helped Pat clear the table.
Soon I met Dane and we started dating. We began going to St. Mary’s Church and enjoyed sitting at the community tables where strangers became named friends. After the meal, we’d take the dogs, who had patiently waited in the car, on a brisk walk around Sidie Hollow Park.
One year, our friends Janet and Mark invited us to share Thanksgiving Day with them. We sat at tables with their family in their living room, with the wood stove blazing. Their tradition before any meal has been to hold hands, say out loud together, “Thank you for this meal,” and then all clap.
During the stay-at-home COVID time, Dane and I picked up our meal from the church and stayed in our car to eat. We guessed others probably drove home to enjoy their food, but we had the dogs and they wanted their walk! For the past two years, we’ve felt honored to share this day with Kristina’s family. Both times, there was a short Norwegian prayer before eating. Later, we went around the table and shared what we were grateful for.
Identifying as spiritual, religious, or anything else wasn’t mentioned. People were connecting with each other, and sharing, and the food that had been cooked with love was warming everyone’s bellies. Every year, no matter where we enjoyed this meal, hearts were bursting with gratitude and love. You could feel it.
The season is upon us in which we can honor diversity, individual expression, and freedom to choose, and increase our ability to accept others. Simply wishing each other well seems far more important than what greeting we use or how we show concern when a friend is suffering.
Dane leans towards wishing people “Merry Christmas,” and I say “Happy Holidays.” When it comes to someone needing care, Dane offers prayers, and I light a candle.
And, feeling more grateful than ever, we both wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!