Musings on Life & Death

Everyone is dying.

I’m dying.

You’re dying.

We all die.

When and how we will die is a mystery, but we know we will.

Cancer, car accident, lightning strike, falling off a cliff, old age...

I’ve read that it’s good to think about dying.

Not every minute, every day. That would be too much.

But sometimes.

It helps us to live better, according to scientists and psychologists, not to mention most spiritual traditions.

Psychology refers to the concept of mortality salience, meaning the awareness that we will die, which can raise our sense of self-worth, encourage us to be less money oriented, and might even make us funnier.

There are new social movements such as Death Cafes, where people get together and talk openly about dying, based on this research.

Sounds like a hoot!

But it seems to make sense.

If we talk about dying, inevitably we’ll talk about life.

I’m big on living while we can, making the most of each day.

Living fully while we can might mean that we’d appreciate our eyes more, opening each morning.

Or feel joyful about witnessing a magnificent mackerel sky at sunset.

Perhaps it means a long, lazy Saturday nap in the sunshine on the back porch.

Or an equally long, slow walk with a friend you haven't seen in a while.

It’s a stretch for me to see how thinking about death will raise my sense of self-worth.

In fact, it seems to increase my neuroses.

I have a bad habit of fearing my loved ones have died when they haven't.

Maybe they have a cold, didn’t pick up their phone, or weren't at a local event where I thought I’d see them.

Dane tells me to stop killing him off before he dies.

We both find this funny, but not everyone does.

Not when I’m begging someone to come home from vacation because I don’t want them to die while they’re gone.

As for being less money oriented, how much less do they mean?

Money comes. Money goes.

We make money. We pay bills. If we’re smart we save money.

But I’ve never been that smart.

I grew up hearing we should save for a rainy day.

Yet rainy days for me are days where I try talking Dane into getting matching tattoos…because it’s raining, honey, and what else can we do?

As for being funnier, my friend Paige, on a Ride Across Wisconsin bike trip, once told me, “You’re not funny. I am.”

And she had a point.

She is funny. I wonder if she ever thinks about dying?

So I’m not yet clear on how thinking about dying will help me, but I do it.

I’ve been trying for years to get Dane to sit with me and fill out “My Final Wishes,” a booklet from the Threshold Care Circle.

It makes sense.

Recently, we received two copies as an engagement gift from a smart friend who is kind and whose husband died unexpectedly.

She knows.

It also makes sense to clean out your attics, basements, and storage sheds asap.

Get rid of the crap or you’ll be leaving that horrendous job for the people you love best.

Maybe I’m thinking more about death these days because so many friends have died, or their parents have, or their spouses, or their brother or sister.

Wake up calls come daily.

Someone suddenly gets ill and their life spirals downward, when the day before, they were harvesting their garden.

Nope, we don’t know…

Death isn’t choosy.

Young and old people die.

Healthy and fit people do too.

People who sit and read all day die, as well as people who run marathons.

It may be healthy to think about dying, but I suspect it’s equally important to focus on living.

And ultimately, isn't this the point? By contemplating our death, to become more aware of how precious this life is.

To be grateful when our eyes open.

To give thanks for that mackerel sky.

And to fully grasp that life may be short, but thankfully, it’s also wide.