Holiday Check-in

Holiday Check-in

Hi Jane, I'm leaving town for a couple of weeks for some alone-thinking time…. Thanks so much for your friendship and support over the past year. Wishing you and your family a peaceful and serene holiday and new year. Take care. Peace, Jeff

When Jeff’s email appeared in my mailbox, I went into red alert mode. Jeff had recently lost his life partner. I worried his message was a cry for help—or worse, a suicide note. I didn’t know where he was going or when he’d return, and to my sensitive ears his message sounded like a goodbye. I knew I needed to reach out and make sure he was okay. In this holiday season, depression from grief is at a high.

Hi Jeff, I'm glad you're caring for yourself and getting what you need. But I also want to make sure you're okay. Are you? Do you have a place to stay? Sending you love and warm wishes, Jane

I decided to contact his son too. I’d been meaning to check in with Jon anyway, as he’d been sick and recently canceled our lunch date.

Hi Jon, Are you feeling better? I sure hope so. I still would like to get together, if you're not too busy. How's your dad doing? This morning, he sent a heartfelt email saying he's going away for some alone time. I worry. The holidays are challenging. With care, Jane

An answer came later that day from Jon:

Hi Jane, I am better. Thanks for checking! Yeah, my dad is sad. However, I know he’s looking forward to his trip to Italy. He’ll be in Assisi, a great place for contemplation. I think it’s what he needs this holiday. My son Paul will take him to the airport, which is super nice for both of them.

I would like to meet up with you as well—I'll email you later in the week with some possible times. Thanks again for checking in. I’m thinking of you and your loss as well.

Soon after, I received a response from Jeff:

Hi Jane, I think I'm fine, no problem. I’m going to one of our family’s favorite places where we took the kids years ago: Assisi, Italy, home of Francis of Assisi, great champion for peace and all of nature. I thought it would be a place to get some grounding. Appreciate your concern. Will be thinking of you and your family and the tough year you also have had.

Italy! Well, why didn’t he say so in the first place? Saint Francis?! I love Saint Francis! I realized I’d made a big mistake, so I sent off apologies.

Dear Jeff, Have a great time! Sorry about asking, but you didn't say Italy and I'm sensitive to grief. I wanted to be sure you were okay, with no worries of self-harm. I apologize. I guess I'd rather be a fool than have someone reaching out and ignore them. xxoooo

Dear Jon, Sorry. I didn't want to miss someone reaching out for help. He only said going away—and thanked me for caring. I'm a goof!

Now everyone was apologizing—first Jeff:

Hi Jane, no problem. I should be more forthcoming. It’s a special place to think about Francis, who sought peace and cared for the poorest of the poor and those neglected by society. People from all faiths and beliefs go there because he showed everyone how to live with kindness and compassion. Jane, fool you are not! You just care for others.

And then Jon:

You are NOT a goof! I appreciate that you care.

Still unable to leave it alone, I found it necessary to gush about my relationship with Saint Francis:

Saint Francis is my favorite saint. I feel so close to him that I call him Frank! All my dogs have had his medal on their collars, but they eventually fell off. I also have a statue of him in my front yard. Enjoy every minute of your trip. May the memories be loving and may new ones be made.

Moral of the story: Check in with your neighbors, family, and friends. Don’t be afraid of being obnoxious. If they know you care and all is well, they’ll thank you. If all is not well, you might have saved a life.